Okay, so I am in a funk. I hate it. I hate being in a funk, I FUNKin’ Hate it.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know what to do with my career. I don’t know what to do with my volunteer work. Nothin.
Where should I begin… I don’t like working third shift. I don’t hate it, kind of nice and quiet, but the sleep schedule sucks.
I want to work from home. I want to work, when I want to work. But I am so afraid of taking the leap and trying to start my own business. Could I actually do it? Am I good enough to have my own design studio? Maybe I should go back to school. I don’t know.
I am tired of my volunteer work with the Cooperative. WAY MORE work than I ever imagined. Takes up WAY too much time and there is just WAY too much DRAMA! I can’t stand drama. I have enough of my own! Then friendships get in the way and I don’t know if I should be loyal, or make sure the work is getting done…
I don’t know if I still want to be on the Board of Directors, or Just be the Communications/Marketing Chairperson or neither. I want my life back, but I can’t afford to not be there. NO ONE can do the work that I do. If no one can do it, I fear we could loose our home and then where would I be? I don’t know.
I am tired of WoW. Now that I made level 60, everyone expects me to help them out here or do this quest with them there, “because I am level 60 and have nothing else to do” or “Your in our guild so you have to help us”.
Well no I don’t, I just wanna relax and play and de-stress. I don’t even like playin my 60, I have played her for SOOOO LONG! I wanna try a different character, but feel like I just have to check in every now and then otherwise I am labeled “Too Busy To Care”. And I don’t like that, before I was a 60, I helped everyone I could if they needed it and I happened to not be helping someone else. I did that since level 30. Can I be done now?.…
So I left my guild. Not that I really wanted to, but I don’t know anyone on there anymore other than my characters and my two good Friends. And all these new people on there get pretty rude (see paragraph above). It isn’t the same guild anymore. Lately I am never actually playing because I either have to try and break up a very heated/insulting discussion (and then get chewed out for trying to calm things down) or I get insulted myself and then don’t feel like playin. I don’t know.
I am tired of money. Even though I have a job, I am busting my ass to play catchup on bills. Then on top of that my car has to break and cost me $900 to fix (that I don’t have). I hate it. Can I please win the lottery? Just once? Can I please win like 500 mil? I would be happy, trust me.
My family still wants a dome home, and I don’t know how we are ever going to raise the $40,000 we will need for the downpayment (roughly a $300,000 home and I would need at least 10% to get that kind of a loan, if not more). It is so hard for us to save any money!
I don’t know. I really don’t know.
The only thing I do know is that I love my family and my wife and my mom and sister and brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws and just plain old in-laws. I love that aspect of my life, I just wish everything else would work out along with it.
“Life is an ocean. A twisting nether at one time, a calming plain another. Forever changing. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse, but always changing; turning into something beautiful or something ugly. How we swim in that sea, determins our course. We either swim hard, or float through, or drown. But it is our choice that makes the difference.” — Bert Jones
Wow, I just wrote that. I don’t really think of myself as a writer, but that just spewed forth from my fingertips. Hmm.…somewhat satisfying actually. Kiki? Is this what it is like to write? Not knowing exactly what your writing until you think you are done? And then looking at it and feeling a completion? A gratification? I envy you. No, I take that back. I am lucky to know you.
All the things that you do, creatively at least, inspire me to try the same. You also inspire me to try harder, no matter what life throws at me. You inspire me to just try. Thank you for being my good (best?) friend.
Kiki?… You out there?… Hello?… (hehehe..LOL)