Okay, so I am in a funk. I hate it. I hate being in a funk, I FUNKin’ Hate it.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know what to do with my career. I don’t know what to do with my vol­un­teer work. Nothin.

Where should I begin… I don’t like work­ing third shift. I don’t hate it, kind of nice and qui­et, but the sleep sched­ule sucks.

I want to work from home. I want to work, when I want to work. But I am so afraid of tak­ing the leap and try­ing to start my own busi­ness. Could I actu­al­ly do it? Am I good enough to have my own design stu­dio? Maybe I should go back to school. I don’t know.

I am tired of my vol­un­teer work with the Coop­er­a­tive. WAY MORE work than I ever imag­ined. Takes up WAY too much time and there is just WAY too much DRAMA! I can’t stand dra­ma. I have enough of my own! Then friend­ships get in the way and I don’t know if I should be loy­al, or make sure the work is get­ting done…

I don’t know if I still want to be on the Board of Direc­tors, or Just be the Communications/Marketing Chair­per­son or nei­ther. I want my life back, but I can’t afford to not be there. NO ONE can do the work that I do. If no one can do it, I fear we could loose our home and then where would I be? I don’t know.

I am tired of WoW. Now that I made lev­el 60, every­one expects me to help them out here or do this quest with them there, “because I am lev­el 60 and have noth­ing else to do” or “Your in our guild so you have to help us”.

Well no I don’t, I just wan­na relax and play and de-stress. I don’t even like playin my 60, I have played her for SOOOO LONG! I wan­na try a dif­fer­ent char­ac­ter, but feel like I just have to check in every now and then oth­er­wise I am labeled “Too Busy To Care”. And I don’t like that, before I was a 60, I helped every­one I could if they need­ed it and I hap­pened to not be help­ing some­one else. I did that since lev­el 30. Can I be done now?.…

So I left my guild. Not that I real­ly want­ed to, but I don’t know any­one on there any­more oth­er than my char­ac­ters and my two good Friends. And all these new peo­ple on there get pret­ty rude (see para­graph above). It isn’t the same guild any­more. Late­ly I am nev­er actu­al­ly play­ing because I either have to try and break up a very heated/insulting dis­cus­sion (and then get chewed out for try­ing to calm things down) or I get insult­ed myself and then don’t feel like playin. I don’t know.

I am tired of mon­ey. Even though I have a job, I am bust­ing my ass to play catchup on bills. Then on top of that my car has to break and cost me $900 to fix (that I don’t have). I hate it. Can I please win the lot­tery? Just once? Can I please win like 500 mil? I would be hap­py, trust me.

My fam­i­ly still wants a dome home, and I don’t know how we are ever going to raise the $40,000 we will need for the down­pay­ment (rough­ly a $300,000 home and I would need at least 10% to get that kind of a loan, if not more). It is so hard for us to save any money!

I don’t know. I real­ly don’t know.

The only thing I do know is that I love my fam­i­ly and my wife and my mom and sis­ter and broth­er-in-laws and sis­ter-in-laws and just plain old in-laws. I love that aspect of my life, I just wish every­thing else would work out along with it.

“Life is an ocean. A twist­ing nether at one time, a calm­ing plain anoth­er. For­ev­er chang­ing. Some­times for bet­ter, some­times for worse, but always chang­ing; turn­ing into some­thing beau­ti­ful or some­thing ugly. How we swim in that sea, deter­mins our course. We either swim hard, or float through, or drown. But it is our choice that makes the dif­fer­ence.” — Bert Jones

Wow, I just wrote that. I don’t real­ly think of myself as a writer, but that just spewed forth from my fin­ger­tips. Hmm.…somewhat sat­is­fy­ing actu­al­ly. Kiki? Is this what it is like to write? Not know­ing exact­ly what your writ­ing until you think you are done? And then look­ing at it and feel­ing a com­ple­tion? A grat­i­fi­ca­tion? I envy you. No, I take that back. I am lucky to know you.

All the things that you do, cre­ative­ly at least, inspire me to try the same. You also inspire me to try hard­er, no mat­ter what life throws at me. You inspire me to just try. Thank you for being my good (best?) friend.

Kiki?… You out there?… Hel­lo?… (hehehe..LOL)

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